Marbles of My Mind

Insight from my kids #162

2010-10-11T09:36:00.001-07:00

Me: "Judah, would you like to pray and ask God to use your tithe to help other people?"

Judah: "No."

Me: "Why not?"

Judah: "I'm not good at praying… because… I don't pray."

There it is. He doesn't want to pray because he doesn't perceive himself to be good at prayer because he doesn't pray. I can't fault the logic. How true is this of me and just about everyone else? Sure, prayer's an easy target. Not many of us pray much if at all so we're not good at it, and as a result we don't like to do it. I just don't know if I would have been able to put it so aptly in so little words.

But this is so true of life. I don't want to ________ because I'm not good at it, and I'm not good at it because I don't do it. Fill in the blank: exercise, run a marathon, build something, talk to my wife, handle my finances, hold any kind of difficult conversation, and of course pray. I admire people who can do any of these things, let alone those who do them well. I certainly don't like to them because I'm terrible at all of them, and that is 100% because I don't do them.

Doing things I don't do well, especially when the stakes are higher than I'd like, just plain sucks. I hate it. I hate failing or not doing well. Well, to be a little too honest, I hate the feeling that I will be rejected as a result of my failure. And, so, well, I just don't do them. Can you relate at all? I hope not, but I fear many can. So, I need God in a big way, but haven't been in contact much to have that connection. Money not managed, well, I think we all know what happens there. And it doesn't take much imagination to figure out the state of a marriage in which the husband isn't communicating with his wife.

So, I'm praying. I figure I'd start with the One most likely to understand and welcome me back. Plus, I need a pretty strong Ally in my corner to help me with the other neglected parts of my life.

Hopefully, what you aren't doing isn't as serious as this, but I think we can all relate to feeling like we can't do something we should do on the basis of just not doing it.

Google Form

2010-05-17T11:28:00.000-07:00

A Word Cloud of my current job description

2010-03-17T12:57:00.000-07:00

Learning from Hyacinths

2009-03-12T07:39:00.000-07:00

My coworker recently brought some freshly cut hyacinth blooms to our office from her garden. Considering the relatively small size of the office, the blooms put off a very pleasing, and rather strong scent. I have thoroughly enjoyed this addition to our office. However, I have noticed a trend that regularly occurs. After about 5 - 10 minutes I have almost no notice of these fragrant flowers. Even when I remember they're there I can barely smell them; I have to work to pick up their scent (unless I go right up to them). Yet, every time I leave the office for more than a couple minutes and come back the fresh fragrance returns.

I am amazed at how quickly I acclimatize to my surroundings. It doesn't take long before I don't even notice this wonderful addition. This prompts me to a few considerations. What else in my life am I acclimatized to and no longer aware of? Are they good things that I need to remain thankful for and continue to grow? Are they harmful things that are hindering growth or holding me down? How would I know? Well, in the case of my office it's when I leave for awhile and come back, but how do I do that in my own life? How do I get away, to where and for how long? I don't have regular out of body experiences.

Personally, I feel this is where a regular time - a quiet time, devotions, meditation, etc is so important. This is a time to pull away from my day to day and go to a place much, much larger than myself. Hopefully, when I "return" I find both some semblance of where I just was meaning that growth is occurring as well as some things I realize need to get tossed out because they don't fit with the decor anymore (procrastination, selfishness, pride, envy, etc). Parts of this process I'm starting to do okay; parts of it still need to improve more than a bit. How about you (fictional reader)? Do you have a good "sense" of what's going on in your day to day, or are you so inundated by the input that you don't recognize them anymore? Have any good strategies for getting a fresh perspective?

Date Nights for a Bargain

2009-02-09T17:21:00.001-08:00

I have a dream. It's not a complicated dream. It just requires at least 3 other families to share my vision. If enacted, it would allow each couple to have three - 3 - tres date nights each month. Read that again: 3 date nights every single month. All for $20 per month.

And if you act now, we'll throw in... Seriously, it sounds too good to be true, but really it's not.

Here's the plan:

4 couples with 1 - 4 kids per couple
$6.50 per week for those going on Date Night
Drop-off kids to 1 of the 4 couples at 5:30 p.m.
Kids have pizza, movies, games, etc (all with parental approval)
Pick-up kids by 10:30 p.m.
Rotate couples next week

Just think: 3 weeks in a row you and your spouse get to go / do whatever you want for 4 hours. 1 week you get money from other couples ($20) to buy pizza, movie, whatever, for the kids you're watching. It's like a 5 hour party in your house once a month. Kids form friendships. Couples have dates. Parents know what's going on. A small monetary investment.

The only details to iron out (as I see it) is the following:

Couples need to have at least vaguely similar parenting styles / trust in the other parents to watch their kids for 5 hours
Basic forms to clearly establish things like liability / medical care / emergency contacts
Oh, and me still trying to find 3 couples! (I think I have one, maybe 2 if we prod them into it)

So, what do you think? Good idea? Bad idea? Living in a fantasy land? Let me know!

God’s Sense of Humor

2009-01-15T18:41:00.000-08:00

I can’t count the number of times God has laughed at me in my lifetime while teaching or reinforcing a lesson. Today added to that number. So, I’m in day 4 of a 21 day Daniel’s Fast that a bunch of churches are currently involved in. Basically, no meats, sweets, bread, caffeine, dairy. I had a banana for breakfast, but forgot my lunch due to a hectic morning. No problem, I thought, since I was headed to an event at work around lunch that normally would offer a vegetable and fruit platter. Lunch: Check.
Yeah. So I get there and Bushiban Coffee (local coffee shop) is setting up a booth next to me and the fresh, buttery popcorn machine is getting cranked up next to it. On my other side, in traipses vendors from Chick-fil-a and Jersey Mike’s Subs carting their wares. Oh, and everything I’ve listed was free. And I had to be there at the table I was manning for 2 hours. Man, was my mouth watering. I was looking for loopholes to that fast, but I couldn’t find any. Of all the times to have free Chick-fil-A & Jersey Mike’s!!
So, why was God laughing at me? I have just finished a personal study in Joshua 1 over the past week or two. In verse 7 God tells Joshua, “Do not turn from [the Law] to the right or to the left so that you may have success wherever you go.” Today, I wanted to turn in both directions. I think I almost heard God chuckling at me when I realized that outside of the fast there’s so many times that I get pulled (or just flat out run) to the right or to the left, and then I wonder why I don’t have success in my personal life. So many times my selfish desires, even desires for otherwise good things, send me off course for days, weeks, months, and yes, sometimes years.
There’s many things to learn and areas to grow when in a fast, but here’s a lesson my stomach consistently teaches me: Wouldn’t it be great if I desired God as much as a couple chicken strips and a cup a jo? Rather than desiring and pursuing my creator and Father, I essentially despise him (to borrow a term from a friend’s recent blog) and go after stuff that doesn’t fulfill.

How a Reactionary Faces the New Year

2009-01-05T18:59:00.000-08:00

I can readily be blunt about this because anyone who really knows me already knows it to be true. I am a reactionary personality. I respond to things. Put me in a situation and I can pretty readily adapt. Words like proactive and initiative sound fascinating and admirable to me but so does the ability to speak in multiple languages without skipping a beat. Now, I’m pretty good at keeping my balance when unexpected things come along, because, hey, that’s how I live. This would be an admirable trait in itself and fits my generally laid back personality. The problem is that I desire to be a leader in my family for my wife and children. I want to succeed at work and develop opportunities to open more opportunities. I’d really like to start being used in the capacity I believe God ha s created for me.
So, I face another New Year thinking that goals and plans are great, but I don’t really seem to have any. I have aspirations and ideas, but they have yet to take on a solid form. I guess it’s like watching my 5 year old son learn to read. He can read a book almost on his own using his sight words, but it takes him a while to work through it. It’s taking me awhile to work through this because I have not yet learned the language of being proactive, at least not to the point of not skipping a beat.
So, here’s some of my goals:
Start Thinking. Seriously. I’m an idea person, but I can’t think of the last time I’ve put effort into thought. I just veg out & my job doesn’t really require a lot of deep thought, though I’ll need to invest some more energy on that front also. I need to be reading and listening to things that will help aid this process. Specifically the Bible, which I believe should be the cornerstone of thinking. Blogs and books are also important (though probably the former since they’re free). Thinking, reading, listening always begins to develop ideas which is an area I think God can use me even though I have absolutely no idea how.
Start to get my house in order. My poor wife has had to put up with enough of me not leading. Of course, as previously stated, I pretty much suck at this and can’t expect God to start using me in ways I think He’d like to until this gets resolved. Getting our finances in the position where we’re telling our money to go rather than reacting to emergencies and month to month living. Having at least a somewhat regular personal devotion time. There’s a lot more, but that’s a start. I’m hoping that operating out of an area of strength (thinking) will help to pull me back in line with my responsibilities. There’s a connection there, but my thought process is still too slack to make the connection tangible. The closest proximity I can give is that I’m trying to pull myself out of a fog which will revitalize other parts of my life.
Paying down debt. That sounds like it’s tied to the last point, but it’s important enough to separate. Last year, from April – December, God blessed us with the ability to pay down $10,000 in debt. We still have $23,000 and Angela just left her job, which is actually a really good thing. I still believe He wants us to eliminate this debt as soon as possible.
Exercise. What New Year’s list would be complete without this cliché. Still, I believe it’s important because I’m way too tired for my age, and I think this would help. Besides, I believe the 3 areas of our life that a lack of self-control are so readily observed is in our physical health, our finances, and our spiritual lives. Might as well tackle all 3.
So, here’s to a year in which I transform from reacting to acting.

Without the Darkness We Can’t Have a Dawn

2009-01-03T13:08:00.000-08:00

The saying goes that it’s always darkest before it dawns. Another way of looking at that is that there can’t be a dawn if it isn’t first dark. This incredibly profound insight came to me after watching some of my kids’ movies over the Christmas break. Classics like Cars, Shark Tales, and Finding Nemo – even the animated version of Ben Hur to round off the list. In each of these stories, and countless others, things are seemingly going well (I’d say swimmingly but that’s a little over the top this early on). Everybody’s pretty much doing their thing when they get sucked up into a plot. Something bad happens that rocks their world and things go from good to horrible. While I’d hate to spoil the endings for you in the above mentioned movies, in the end things end up fantastic, far better than they ever would have been had the horrible event not occurred.
A brief look into other events shows that this plot development doesn’t occur in just movies. As horrible as Word War II really was, church historians credit it for the initiating the largest modern movement in worldwide missions. Going back a couple thousand years, the persecution and scattering of the early church facilitated the spread of the gospel. Let’s go back a few more thousand years to man’s beginning. Assuming that, like me, you believe there was an Adam & Eve in the Garden of Eden, you’d also have to say that they had it pretty good. Everything was going well. They even walked with God at points during the day. Then came that horrible plot twist: sin. That was a pretty dark moment for us. Yet out of that development came redemption through Christ and the opportunity to be “seated in the heavenly places with Christ” (present tense) and “joint heirs with Christ.” Adam & Eve were not initially offered that ending. There’s a lot of plot development that I’m skipping over here for sake of brevity, but we definitely went from good, to horrific, to great beyond belief.
When watching my son watch the above movies, he often covers his ears during those tense parts. It’s kind of cute, but I personally don’t like watching the tense parts of certain movies; I’d rather just skip to the ending that I know will be happy. How true that is of my own life as well. I don’t like the tense, dark, scary, unknown parts of my life. I want to fast forward, look away, or do something else during parts of my life’s plot. However, I know that my story has a happy ending. (Rom. 8:28). I just don’t know when.
I should embrace the dark, uncomfortable parts of my life because they are what ultimately makes the story worth the telling. Without them we can’t really see just how great the finish really is. Were they not around, I would never be able to appreciate the dawn that follows.

lessons my son teaches me #93

2008-01-21T18:20:00.000-08:00

Judah: "Daddy, you forgot to give me a drink before we left this morning."
Me: "No I didn't. You simply didn't ask me for one."
...
Me: "God, we keep pinching our pennies, and we're trying to be the best stewards we can with what you've given us. We sow, water, weed, repeat, etc. When do we get to reap? Why haven't you brought a harvest? Why aren't we financially free of debt and able to move forward?"
God: (moments after I answered Judah this morning) "You haven't reaped because you haven't asked me for a harvest?"
...
sigh.

I'm an idea person. I like to understand concepts and often have a hard time moving forward until I have a grasp on what I'm moving toward. So, asking God for a financial outpouring in the midst of a world where the majority struggles for daily sustenance - food, water, shelter - has been a difficult concept to grasp. Afterall, from that perspective we're sitting rather pretty.

What I've finally come to realize is that I don't and won't get this one. It isn't my job. My job, like that of my son in the above dialogue, is to ask. Sure I have to do the best I can with what's in front of me, which I have. Sure I have to examine my motives to make sure we're not after greed and keeping up with the world around us, which I have and continue to examine.

But. I've been forgetting a very part. Ask. Seek. Knock.
I'm finally ready to start asking. Sometimes Judah asks for things that I'm not ready to give him. Other times, I'm waiting for him to ask before I impart them.

On a side note, and the tie-in to this post is too cumbersome to explain (you wouldn't want to wade through it), did the prodigal son's elder brother - the one who got ticked off - ever ask his father for a fatted calf? I don't think so. I think he just got ticked off that he was doing the right things and maybe even for the right reasons and yet never received what his wayward sibling was getting out of nowhere. However, he never asked for a party with his friends so why did he get mad at his pop. Maybe his dad never thought about it. Maybe he would've given his older son a party if he'd asked. So, if I don't have a great harvest that I haven't asked for, why should I be surprised or upset?

Like I said, trying to bring this to a close, I'm starting to ask.

No Rain No Gain

2007-09-09T18:21:00.000-07:00

The weather's been great in NC this summer apart from being crazy hot. It's been sunny pretty much every day. Great forecast, right? The only trick is that now we're experiencing extreme drought, which isn't a lot of fun. What gets my goat more though is that I know this upcoming fall season is going to be dreary and bland - no vibrant colors. And that's my favorite time of year!!

So, I was sitting in church last night and a correlation between our predicament and life struck me. In my life I like sunny days with no clouds to be seen. I am perfectly content with no summer storms raining down on my parade. I can handle cotton candy every day. Perfect home (and house), great job, all relationships moving along smoothly. Life's good. It's fine with me if I don't have any crises, whether they last a day or a year or more.

What's the correlation? Well, the people a generation or two ahead of me that I really admire, the one's I could sit and listen to for hours - they've all had at least their share of storms. And I've come to realize, those storms are much of what makes them who they are and why I know admire them.

Now, while I wouldn't mind some sunnier weather with temps in the mid 70's with a calm breeze, those storms might just come to work in my favor down the road, even if that's further down then I can see at the moment.

Pardon the following long quote, but I think it fits nicely with this idea - I had it at about the same time as the above. It's an exchange between Samwise and Frodo in the Return of the King when things are not going well:

Frodo: "I can't do this, Sam."
Sam: "I know. It's all wrong. By rights we shouldn't even be here. But we are. It's like in the great stories, Mr. Frodo, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger they were. 'Cause sometimes you didn't want to know the end because how could the end be happy? How can the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end it's only a passing thing. A shadow even darkness must pass. A new day will come and when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you, that meant something even if you were to small to understand why. But I think Mr. Frodo, I do understand. I know now. Folks in those stories had lots of chances in turning back only they didn't. They kept going because they were holding onto to something."
Frodo: "What are we holding onto, Sam?"
Sam: "That there's some good left in this world, Mr. Frodo, and it's worth fighting for."

Life Expectancy of a Good Post

2007-09-07T06:55:00.000-07:00

I wonder what the rule of thumb is for the amount of comments on a post. I have 1 or 2 blogs that I keep up with (obviously mine is not one of them). One of these blogs usually averages about 3-4 comments per post and I almost always enjoy both the post and the comments. However, one of yesterday's posts currently has 18 comments. It was great up until about the 11th comment when things took a turn for the worse. It seems once there's a bad apple in the post, it's pretty much over.

When I stop to think about it, I can't think of many posts across the blogosphere with multiple comments that don't eventually degrade into some verbal barrage. So, I wonder what constitutes a good post in regard to comments? Less than 10? At what point to numerous comments ruin it?

Of course, in regard to my blog, I might as well be asking if a tree falls in the woods with no one around does it make a noise. But... that's my fault, now isn't it? Semi-annual posts don't exactly demand regular readers.

If I had been there...

2007-08-03T13:26:00.000-07:00

I get really annoyed at the 12 disciples sometimes. Here they get to follow Jesus around 24/7, and in the midst of it they do some stupid, aggravating things. Take the example of the storm on the sea when Jesus was with them – sleeping in the boat. They freak out, wake him up, and basically complain that he doesn’t care that they’re all about to die. Come on! He’s in the boat!

Another one that gets my goat is the Feeding of the 4000. Hey, I can perfectly understand the Feeding of the 5000 and they’re issue on that occasion. After all, they had yet to see 1 meal somehow feed thousands with leftovers. But the 4000 comes on the heels of 5000 being fed. Yet what is the disciples’ response to at least 4000 people needing food? Send them away; we don’t have nearly enough for them.

What gives with these guys?! What more do they need? Well, I can tell you that if I was there, things would’ve been different! I would have just hummed a little tune like Dory in Finding Nemo – “Just keep paddling, just keep paddling…” And the Feeding of the 4000? “What? You guys need food? Okay. Hey, Jesus! 4000 Big Mac value meals, please!” What a sorry group he had to put up with.

But then…

I encounter a storm. Mind you, not even a storm that will kill me. A financial storm where, despite what I think are my best efforts, we keep taking on water. I’m working, planning, paying, working, planning, paying, and so on – all to seemingly no avail. So what do I do? Just keep paddling? No, I run to the stern of the boat and yell at Jesus, “Hey! We’re goin’ down! Don’t you care?!” sigh

Let’s pause and look at Jesus original response to the disciples back in the boat: “Have you no faith?” Here’s a group of fishermen, very familiar with this body of water, thoroughly applying their skills to save their hides and it isn’t working. They understandably begin to panic and get accused of not having faith. Now, fast forward to me. I’m sure the response would be the same. I think I’m understandably frustrated at the turn of events, but his response: “C’mon, Paul, where’s your trust in me?” Hmm… I’m not so annoyed at the disciples anymore. And while I’d really like to see my own storm immediately stilled and the seas return to being calm, I know Jesus has my back and is looking out for my family.

Now, the 4000? I have a little less empathy for the Dozen on that count. However, I have to admit that I’ve heard testimony of people receiving “multiplication miracles” from God (checks in the mail from out of nowhere, anonymous envelopes with cash, and stuff like that). I can also think back to times when we (Angela and I) managed to come out from underneath some avalanches in our lives and not really be sure how we managed it (because we weren’t really the ones managing it). So, in my own current situation, why don’t I just say, “Alright, another chance for God to demonstrate his provision and power!! He can even show off again and supply so much that there’s leftovers to be used for his glory!” Instead, I say, “Um, God, what are we going to do here? The means don’t add up to the ends. I need to develop a plan.” Now, I have a responsibility, I believe, to develop and execute a plan until God steps in, but why don’t I expect the latter?

So, maybe I wouldn’t have been much better than his rag-tag group; maybe I would’ve been worse if my own track record is any indication.

Growing Up Together

2007-07-30T18:44:00.000-07:00

A series of thoughts, memories, and podcasts all came together recently and left me wondering if I could play a role in getting my kids to really like each other as they grow up (too fast) and be one another’s biggest fan. Sure, they’ll probably “love” each other, but I want them to stay involved in each other’s life, be there for each other – voluntarily. I think we all want our kids to get along and not fight so much, but why is it that some kids grow up to be best friends while others grow up and grow apart? I’m sure there’s a ton of answers to that question, but what if? What if Angela and I can influence what direction their relationship goes? That would be awesome!

Thinking of how to approach parenting generally produces all kinds of anxiety for me. I mean just getting them to stop and listen can sometimes be maddening; the thought of taking it past that and moving toward intentional positive development is downright intimidating. Hey, I’m afraid I’m too normal of a guy in that I take many of my parenting cues from my better (and more insightful) half when it comes to rearing our youngins’. After all, she’s the mom – she has the book on this subject, right? Well, she’s certainly read more about than me to her credit. Still, what if?

I was listening to a podcast by Jeff Kapusta, the pastor at Lifepoint Church in Wilmington, with his wife Michelle. They were talking about love languages, a concept on how to communicate love, especially within marriage, developed by Gary Chapman. Jeff and Michelle were each talking about their individual love languages and how they developed them growing up based on each of their respective families. Having 2 young children (4 & 2), I am keenly aware of language development (for example “Not ‘yam’ but ‘yes’” sigh). This got me thinking about how to develop love languages. Sure, everyone develops at least one, and odds are pretty high that Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, and Quality Time will rank high for our kids since those are Angela and my primary languages. But maybe we can impart a healthy development of Physical Touch and Gifts while we’re at it. It would be like a kid growing up in Europe, being able to speak, like, every language, whereas I can only speak English.

At the same time I was recalling a memory from a radio broadcast I heard a couple years ago from Family Life about one of the host’s family and how his grown children appreciated and genuinely expressed love for one another. His kids were able say, with a straight face, what they admired in one another. I thought, “Yeah, I want my kids to do that when they grow up.” But what if I don’t have to wait for them to grow up to start doing this?

Around this time I went off on a tangent and got to thinking about how many relationships stagnate and crumble. Of course, the most glaringly obvious and disastrous of these stagnant relationships is marriage. It is heartbreaking how pandemic this problem is in our culture, and from personal experience, frightening how easy it is to “catch”. Simply take each other for granted, stop expressing love, keep communication superficial and, presto, stagnant marriage… or worse. Sure, it can happen with any relationship, but I think marriage is a pretty identifiable scenario. So what does this have to do with my kids? Well, fortunately I got to thinking the same question and pulled the tangent back to the topic and here’s what I came up with: left to their own course, it makes sense that sibling’s relationships grow stagnant. I mean, they know each other their whole life. They have to share, take turns, sit in the same back seat for countless hours. How do you not take each other for granted?! I think once that’s established, it becomes very difficult to express appreciation and love. Lastly, if appreciation and love are not foundational parts how they relate to one another, I fear we’re left to a coin toss on which way they go when they fly the coop.

So what to do about it? What intentional steps can we take? Fortunately, we already have them accustomed to praise and physical touch. It’s not uncommon for them to come up to us and say something like, “Good job, Daddy, I’m proud of you!” (of course, there’s still the occasional “Be quiet, Daddy” which isn’t as heartwarming). We also get lots of hugs. But maybe we can get them to start praising each other. Maybe rather than saying, “Good job, Judah!” I can say, “Rebekah, didn’t Judah do a good job? Let’s tell Judah how well he did!” It sounds kind of corny, but I’ve learned my kids are still young enough not to care about that.

Maybe if we can impart this language in their formative years and it will easier to keep going as they get older. An old physics motion is that Sliding Friction is easier to overcome than Static Fraction, or put another way, an Object in Motion Tends to Stay in Motion while an Object at Rest Tests to Stay at Rest. If we get the ball rolling – spend Quality Time as a family, express Words of Affirmation and involve them in the process, offer lots of hugs – they do give hugs when saying “sorry” to each other, bring them in on buying last minute Gifts (since they can’t keep a secret), and have them Serve each other – maybe we can keep the ball rolling.

Then, when they’re in that dreadful stage – the teens – and they aren’t talking to us as much as we’d like, maybe they’ll talk to each other. Maybe then and beyond then they’ll be there for each other when a relationship goes bad, when they get cut from the team, when they make the big shot, when they want someone to just hang out with. Maybe they’ll even grow up and be able to say, with a straight face, what they really admire about each other.

Course Change

2006-10-17T08:44:00.000-07:00

I have been re-reading a book by John Maxwell entitled Today Matters. It’s a good resource for self-evaluation on 12 main areas of life considered crucial to success. Having read the first couple chapters on Attitude and Priorities, my reasons for this re-read were confirmed. I still have a lot of work to do.

I thought I had enough on my plate to work with and had hoped that the next chapter would be a breeze so I could continue to focus on these two areas. Chapter 3 is on Why Health Matters Today. I was spared… or so I thought. I’m not unhealthy. Not overweight (well, at least not according to the scale – the mirror tells a different tale, but I think it’s a liar). I have my blood pressure checked a few times per month and it’s almost always in the 100-120/60-80 range. But, I’m not healthy either. That is, I do very little consistently to build and maintain my health. Regrettably, I find that I assume I will indefinitely maintain the general status of health I currently enjoy without doing anything to maintain it. A very simple look at life shows this to be untrue. I know a great number of people who have made similar assumptions and have landed in places I certainly wish to avoid. But what to do about it? I love foods that I shouldn’t eat much of and hate exercise for its own sake. I think that makes me like the majority of people in the world (or at least the USA).

I wish I could say that I awoke to some great epiphany about my need to clean up my act and get healthy. I do acknowledge the importance of good health, but I have a hard time doing much about it. Here is what I have come up with and am trying to keep a hold of: I don’t need to do much about my health. What I do need to do is a little about it. Small course changes (like not eating 7 pieces of pizza at the lunch buffet, maybe only 3-4) are the way to go. I remember hearing that if astronauts leaving the moon are off on their trajectory even by a degree or two they could miss earth, so they better have the numbers nailed down. I think the same could be said of health. I, like millions of other people, am off a couple degrees. If I can make some slight alterations to my course, I will, in the long run, be on track. For instance, I hate jogging. I’ve tried it, but I loathe it. So, I’m trying to jump rope for a few minutes every other day. Trying anyway. Small course changes. That’s the way to go. It’s like retirement. I wish I had about $100K to throw into some accounts and let them compile interest. But I don’t. So we contribute small amounts every month with the knowledge that over time those accounts will grow. Enough consistent, small deposits (course changes) in my health will afford me the potential return of a longer and more fulfilling life in which I can stay actively involved.

Last, I do not believe this subject would be as meaningful to me without the example of my wife. She had a debilitating and likely life-ending disease followed by 2 high-risk pregnancies all of which prohibited her from having good health. She has diligently made the small changes (often frustratingly small for her) over time to greatly increase her health. Soon she will be at the state she was before any of this happened, and that was a lifestyle full of sports and activity. She is an inspiration to those trying to change, and she should serve as a conviction to those who allow obstacles to stay in their way.

Songs or Scripture

2006-10-14T18:33:00.000-07:00

I’ve been wondering the past few days: From where do many Christians today derive their theology?

While the answers are varied and, likely, valid, I’d like to touch on one concern I’ve long held that has resurfaced. I feel much of the Body, at least the part that lives in America, gets it’s view of God (“theology”) from the radio station, the CD player, and the iPod. I fear these resources have supplanted Scriptures foundational role for our theology. Now, the church has historically had the role of imparting theology and following up in its implementation (teach and equip). Regretfully, I fear in many seeker-friendly churches, which can be wonderful bodies, a strong theology is hard to develop, and as such, seldom is. If it’s not imparted to begin with, it’s a long road toward implementation. There are ways around this, but in my limited experience these ways are also undeveloped. So, meaningful, accurate, personal theology remains unknown by many.

There are countless contemporary works of literature (and multimedia) that offer great theology and of course the classics consume whole libraries. However, I think many of the modern resources and most of the classics go untouched, unread, and unheard. Even when they are utilized, the implementation tool might be missing.

So what’s left? The radio. I’m listening to an online station right now that I love. (It’s a link on our main blog.) I love contemporary Christian music. It’s encouraging, uplifting, convicting, inspirational, worshipful. It’s a great resource. And because I think all those great things are true of Christian music, I think I let my guard down. “Sure the top 40 stations are full of trash, but Christian radio – that’s my haven.” Often true, but not always. And even when it is true, music’s not balanced. I’ll admit it; there’re some really catchy songs on Christian radio that really bug me because I think they’re dangerous. They’re dangerous because they can impact my understanding of God without me realizing it. I don’t blame the musician. Maybe I should, but I don’t. (That’s a topic for a different post.)

Ok, for instance, there’s an immensely popular song out there entitled, I think, “How Far is Heaven?” Very catchy, fun to sing along with. But is there a catch? Sure, sometimes I really want a ticket out of this life – after all, “to die is gain.” I can relate to the song so it seems fine, but where does the song leave me? Where, if you’ve heard it, does it leave you? What's the feeling you're left with? Longing is good, but longing that doesn't ultimately focus me in on the task at hand is dangerous. I long for peace in the Middle East, but if I endorse skipping over the conflict to get to lasting peace, I've set myself up for trouble. (Uh oh, did I just mix religion with politics?! Let me get off that topic!) There’s obvious truth to the song, but where’s the balance – “to live is Christ.”

I’m probably making a mountain out of molehill. Still, if I hear 9 great songs and 1 that, while well intentioned, is incorrect, I could be trouble if I’ve come to assume they’re all great. What makes it worse is that most of the time we don’t consciously think if we agree or disagree. That’s true for most forms of media anyway, but music is the worst. Music’s the worst because it’s in the background. It’s akin to playing those self-help or foreign language tapes while sleeping (no, I’ve never done that). Our goal in that situation is to learn, and we’ve discovered that sometimes we learn best when we’re not consciously “tuned in.” But we don’t extrapolate that discovery into music.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that music, and Christian music specifically, poses a potential threat to Christians because it has become the predominant source for our theology and we rarely filter it for veracity. Thus, all of it, most good to great but some bad, develops how we view God and interact with the world.

I don’t blame music, I blame us. On the whole I think Christian music has taken a very positive turn in the past 7 years. Worship music came on strong and we moved away from Christian artists to Christian music (there IS a difference; again, another post). Let me illustrate why I blame us. I was in a discussion a long time ago about some “theological” stuff. Unfortunately, one of the participants saw it as a debate, the "I'm right and you're wrong"; kind (I did not). They left upset and came back in a few minutes later. They’d heard a song on the radio that confirmed their position and they left feeling completely justified. Now, I think they were right, to a point. Unfortunately, they left that night out of balance (and maybe still are), but didn’t have to worry about it because they’re source for knowing God reaffirmed their position. My point is that Scripture was trumped by a song. That’s an over-the-top example, but how often do I, and again, we, trump Scripture with songs simply because I don’t evaluate the source let alone spend enough time with the best source to readily discover inconsistencies?
>So enjoy the songs, just don't let them take the place of Scripture. I don't think the musicians want us to do that, and I know God doesn't.

Practice, practice, practice

2006-10-10T09:21:00.000-07:00

Earlier today I was out taking a walk in a park. Today is a particularly beautiful early fall day here in North Carolina, not a cloud in the sky, birds chirping, a whisper of a breeze, and a hint of crispness in the air. Oh, and the park I go to is gorgeous. I attempt to get out at least once a week during a break. I’ve always found that I do my best thinking when I’m walking, specifically when walking outside when there aren’t many (if any) people around.

I was enjoying the day and trying to get my mind into gear. I was trying to get my arms around a whole bushel of thoughts, ideas, and feelings that have been collecting over the past week or so. Unfortunately, I was growing frustrated that I couldn’t focus in on one or two ideas amidst the larger crowd to which I also wanted to give attention. The situation was further exacerbated in that I was trying to focus on a decision with a long-reaching impact that I just became aware of yesterday. In the midst of my frustration I had a distinct recollection of another weekly experience from my adolescence.

The recollection was from a discipline I attempted in my youth: learning to play the piano. The specific memory was the feelings associated with weekly piano lessons. For the first year or two I loved piano lessons. The concepts and skill came easily; that is, they required very little effort. Then I came to hate piano lessons. I abhorred them. I was terribly afraid of piano lessons. Why such a dramatic change? I really liked my piano instructor. He was a really great guy! I loved the piano and enjoyed playing it. So what happened?

What I did not like was practicing. Ugh! I hated practicing. So, I didn’t. That's right, I did not practice. Very seldom did I ever commit more than 5-10 minutes a day (and usually I simply skipped multiple days) to the discipline of practicing. I managed to not concern myself with this throughout the week, but by the day the lesson came the storm had built to a Category 5, and I could no longer avoid the ivory. When the dreaded day came I attempted to learn all my songs and exercises in about 1 – 2 hours before the lesson. I attempted to master in a short period material that can only be mastered through repetition over time. I’d like to say that I grasped this insanity and altered my course. I didn’t. I simply came to hate the lessons, and ultimately the piano, more and more with each month and each year. Eventually, I abandoned the pretense altogether and stopped playing. As a result, I never really learned to play the piano.

That’s a pretty cheery memory for a beautiful day isn’t it? It came to me because my frustration over trying to master the discipline of focused thought is similar to the discipline of learning an instrument. It takes practice. More to the point, it takes daily, routine practice. So, while I love walking and thinking, I find that I can’t make the most of the opportunity, or even much of it, because I fail to regularly lay and maintain the foundation for insightful, focused thought.

I think that’s one of the purposes of this blog. Even if no one reads it, putting my thoughts down puts more thoughts in order and builds the discipline for future insight. Practice, practice, practice.

To reference my last blog: Pay now, play later. It is indeed easier said than done.

How Do You Eat an Oreo?

2006-09-15T09:12:00.000-07:00

The topic on the radio this morning revolved around the proper way to eat an Oreo. Pretty heady stuff for early in the morning. Apparently, though not surprisingly, there’s a personality test linked to how you eat an Oreo. I missed most of it but caught a couple interesting statements.

If you only eat the sandwich cookies and throw away the cream, you’re probably a masochist (you like pain inflicted on yourself)
If you eat only the cream and throw away the sandwich cookies, you’re probably greedy and selfish (though apparently good at business – go figure)

Not overly profound, but then they gave a little jingle that kids learn. I’ll do my best to paraphrase:

“Twist the top off fast, eat the middle then the rest
‘cause ev’ry little kid knows the cream is the best”

Let me boil that jingle down into a phrase you might have heard before:

Play Now, Pay Later.

Now I love Oreo’s, and I’ve done more than my share of Playing first and Paying later when it comes to Oreos, and there's nothing wrong with that. But that got my thinking, which is a feat that early. In how many other areas of my life do I Play Now and Pay Later? Alas, the ugly answer is that I have adopted this philosophy in a number of arenas such as savings, paying off debt, diet, doing school work, exercise – or lack of, etc. Unfortunately, I’m not the exception. I live with the terrifying reality that I am part of a generation that has not and does not pay its dues. We, as a whole, do not toil, we do not sacrifice, and as such we do not appreciate.

Let me add another tidbit to make this thought more tangible. In 2005 the amount of money the average American saved was -.5% of their income. In other words, we spent more than we made. As a country made up of almost 300 million people we actually went into debt. Sure, our government (almost) always does it, but it’s the FIRST TIME since the Great Depression that we, as people, have spent more than we’ve made. Further, as a developed country, we are alone. We’re at the absolute bottom of the pile for savings versus income.

The figures get much more interesting when broken down by age. Baby Boomers (I think 42 and over) are still saving more than they spend – good for them. However, my generation is spending WAY more than we make using the “No Money Down, No Interest for X Years, No Payments for X Months” approach to purchasing. Now, that CAN be great. Unfortunately, it very frequently spells disaster, and it’s a growing and tragic epidemic.

Now, before the argument is made that we don’t make as much money as previous generations (after factoring inflation), true or not, let me make a point. I know many people my age who are living VERY well who I know are caught in the same trap. We’ve proverbially thrown so many sandwich cookies over our shoulder that they’ve stacked up into a towering pile, and when the tower comes down, we will have to pay.

My recommendation about Oreos? Eat the sandwich cookies with the cream. Embrace and enjoy the entire experience. Exercise moderation - don't go for just the cream (and, while you're at it, don't eat so many Oreos in the first place). Don't inflict needless pain, but don't be greedy and selfish. Dunk 'em, create double-deckers (as long as you eat the extra cookies), do whatever. Sacrifice and appreciate.

Now, some better solutions would be a great way to end this entry. So, give me some comments that include solutions. I can, and am, working on myself to toil and sacrifice so that I will appreciate. You can believe my kids will do the same. But I don’t know what to do about the rest of my peers.

Remembering Me

2006-08-16T18:28:00.000-07:00

I attended a memorial service this afternoon for the father of a coworker. He was an incredible man, and I learned where my coworker received many of the attributes that cause me to have a great deal of respect for her. It's not every day you hear about someone who graduated at the top of the class at Stanford and Georgetown and was Dean & Professor at a number of Law Schools. Oh, and 20 years as a Marine pilot earning Ace status. Oh, and a great family man too. The complete package. It gives one, at least me, opportunity to reflect.

I'm not that naturally talented. That's not putting myself down. I'm not; I'm not even in that league. Most of us aren't. But the "widely respected by friends, coworkers, and family," especially the latter - that is within my (and your) grasp.

---

Taking this post back up a week later, I remember one key description of this man. Everything was an adventure. Everything (challenge, obstacle, opportunity, change) was seized upon and thoroughly lived. Carpe Diem.

This is an attribute that fosters life in one's self and in the lives of those around them. It's not a life of drama, and it's not chaos. Rather, it seems to be excelling in the moment while eagerly anticipating the next. I suspect most of us are good at one of those and weaker on the other, but seldom good at both at the same time. That is, I can excel in short spurts though when I am succeeding in an area I do not look forward to change. I'm comfortable with success. When success is not immediately present, I tend to forego seeking it in favor of fixating on change. Thus, I do not Seize the Day very well.

I have a great deal of respect for those that do; they can tire me out just being around them for too long, but it's the kind of tired one gets after a good workout. Maybe some more frequent workouts are in order. When we workout (I'm speaking abstractly here since I have no current personal experience in this domain), we force ourselves into motion and discipline our bodies into form. It's not fun for those of us who aren't clinically insane, but, I'm told, it yields great results.

Also, it eventually builds its own momentum. It fosters life in one's self. From that perspective, if I (and you) wish to be remembered as people who lived life on a grand scale, perhaps I don't need to leave my imprint tomorrow. Maybe I start by looking for ways to workout - to embrace change when I'm comfortable, to follow through and finish the job when it's tedious or too hard, to immerse my life with people who are doing these things. Maybe it is in the little things that we are made or broken. To better convey this thought, Aristotle said:

"We are what we repeatedly do.
Excellence then, is not an act,
but a habit."

I doubt this man set off with the goal to be remembered in this way, but he is and will be. I suspect if I adopt and live out the same principles I won't care much how I'm remembered after I've moved on, but other lives will have been enriched. Maybe then another life will pause, consider, and shift course.

...Apparently, not much.

2006-08-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

Huh. I thought I'd move ideas and thoughts just pouring out when it came to this blog. Shows what I know. Right now my mind seems filled with wonderfully profound things like the specialty license plate for our new car (sorry, Angela, - SUV). To make matters worse, I'm not even having any good ideas about that. We'll probably go with Angela's idea, "UW!SH" (it was to start with a "U" since it's a UNC specialty plate).

Pretty profound right. Oh well. Hopefully, there'll be a smattering of philosophy, theology, personal opinions, uninformed politics, etc in this blog. Hopefully.

What's Been on My Mind

2006-08-10T09:37:00.000-07:00

This blog is a way for me to express what's on my mind before I forget about it. It's out of the way because, hey, not everyone cares. I don't blame them. But if it happens to be 3am and you can't sleep, or you just want to feed my egocentric view of my world, it's all yours!!