If I had been there...

I get really annoyed at the 12 disciples sometimes. Here they get to follow Jesus around 24/7, and in the midst of it they do some stupid, aggravating things. Take the example of the storm on the sea when Jesus was with them – sleeping in the boat. They freak out, wake him up, and basically complain that he doesn’t care that they’re all about to die. Come on! He’s in the boat!

Another one that gets my goat is the Feeding of the 4000. Hey, I can perfectly understand the Feeding of the 5000 and they’re issue on that occasion. After all, they had yet to see 1 meal somehow feed thousands with leftovers. But the 4000 comes on the heels of 5000 being fed. Yet what is the disciples’ response to at least 4000 people needing food? Send them away; we don’t have nearly enough for them.

What gives with these guys?! What more do they need? Well, I can tell you that if I was there, things would’ve been different! I would have just hummed a little tune like Dory in Finding Nemo – “Just keep paddling, just keep paddling…” And the Feeding of the 4000? “What? You guys need food? Okay. Hey, Jesus! 4000 Big Mac value meals, please!” What a sorry group he had to put up with.

But then…

I encounter a storm. Mind you, not even a storm that will kill me. A financial storm where, despite what I think are my best efforts, we keep taking on water. I’m working, planning, paying, working, planning, paying, and so on – all to seemingly no avail. So what do I do? Just keep paddling? No, I run to the stern of the boat and yell at Jesus, “Hey! We’re goin’ down! Don’t you care?!” sigh

Let’s pause and look at Jesus original response to the disciples back in the boat: “Have you no faith?” Here’s a group of fishermen, very familiar with this body of water, thoroughly applying their skills to save their hides and it isn’t working. They understandably begin to panic and get accused of not having faith. Now, fast forward to me. I’m sure the response would be the same. I think I’m understandably frustrated at the turn of events, but his response: “C’mon, Paul, where’s your trust in me?” Hmm… I’m not so annoyed at the disciples anymore. And while I’d really like to see my own storm immediately stilled and the seas return to being calm, I know Jesus has my back and is looking out for my family.

Now, the 4000? I have a little less empathy for the Dozen on that count. However, I have to admit that I’ve heard testimony of people receiving “multiplication miracles” from God (checks in the mail from out of nowhere, anonymous envelopes with cash, and stuff like that). I can also think back to times when we (Angela and I) managed to come out from underneath some avalanches in our lives and not really be sure how we managed it (because we weren’t really the ones managing it). So, in my own current situation, why don’t I just say, “Alright, another chance for God to demonstrate his provision and power!! He can even show off again and supply so much that there’s leftovers to be used for his glory!” Instead, I say, “Um, God, what are we going to do here? The means don’t add up to the ends. I need to develop a plan.” Now, I have a responsibility, I believe, to develop and execute a plan until God steps in, but why don’t I expect the latter?

So, maybe I wouldn’t have been much better than his rag-tag group; maybe I would’ve been worse if my own track record is any indication.